Gone are the days when I would say sorry for just being who I am. It took me long 25 years to accept that the way I am is just who I am. Blame it to the conditioning done by Bollywood movies, American serials or early corporate world exposure, the fact remains that today I am the best version of me till date. I have grown up to become such a "hot mess".
People will always like to define for us what they think we should be like. In my case, at an early age, I was taught to be mature. When I matured up, people demanded of me to act my age and when I decided to act my age, I was frowned at for acting like a kid. Soon enough, I learned the art of becoming the person who people needed to see in any given circumstances. This is when you start accommodating others in your life because it seems that expecting others to adjust with you rather would be too much to ask. In this course of constant camouflaging, I ended up believing that maybe everyone else other than me knows best how to live. When I admire people truly, I feel no shame in picking up their habits or practices in life but sometimes it's possible to end up admiring people a bit too much than was needed in the first place. And when this happened to me, even though the experience is exhausting, I ended up meeting and acknowledging the truest of me with all my best and the worst qualities, my dramatically restless nature, my "beyond-your-imagination" imagination (which, by the way, allows me to carry on living when reality gets rough) and my grand ambitions. I am aware that a little taming to this wild horse that I am will do good but other than that, I am going to do my best at being who I am while growing on the go.
Now that we have covered the conditions leading to the formation of "hot mess" species, I would like to take you through some of the fun "hot mess" symptoms as well. Don't shy away from acknowledging any connection with them. In fact, if you can even relate to the minimum of 2 symptoms, welcome to the "hot mess" club! We may have become who we are thanks to a super serious life but hey, we love to laugh.
1. You are simultaneously living a very hectic life in your imagination. Your super sexy Bollywood material boyfriend just danced away on a preppy number with you in the countryside with just the right dance steps. And while in real time you are typing away this post, in a parallel universe, you are putting on your red air hostess cap as you get ready to show up for an 8 hours long flight to London.
2. You do not agree with the idea of a genie granting three wishes. I mean, if you get easy money, easy love and easy success, what fun would life be?
3. While it's a typical trait of us women to complain about not having enough clothes in our wardrobes, the 'hot mess' species tend to realize each year around the charity time that their wardrobes are full of clothing items they never wore. They were the dream dresses, perfect fits and ideal colors when you bought them but today despite wanting to, it's literally impossible to squeeze fit into those stitches. This is how destiny works! It had to come to your closet, be abandoned and then find its way to a much deserving owner.
4. You don't just get addicted to addictions. You happily and willingly get addicted to coffee, tea, cigarettes (with all natural filling variations) or even Xanax because you own your addiction. You want to feel the high but yet be in control of it. There has never been or will be a morning where you will wake up and wonder how did you end up here
5. You desire most the knowledge and you want to know it all. The sad part however is also that you are aware of all the hard work involved in achieving this desire. And therefore, you secretly wish for a "know it all" kind of a super power. The power moves of this super power may include: Solving any given mathematical problem without calculator, remembering anything once heard, read or seen and magically acquiring the skills demanded by any job announcement world wide.
6. You plan ahead! You already own 40 pairs of socks, the exact same shade of red lip color by all existing brands, 15 packs of "5 in a box" comfy panties, drawers full of mechanical pencils and 3 dozens of notebooks in all sizes and paper textures. There can be many other collection combinations. If Apocalypse arrives within your immediate (read 30-40 years) future, you are all set to maintain your looks, hygiene, foot care and writing needs. Oh! Let's not forget that pouch full of perfume samples. *ting*
7. You are your own guinea pig. You deem yourself to be the best judge of your outfit combinations, make up looks and even new recipes. Before you present anything in front of people for the purpose of "testing", it must pass your own "pre testing - testing" level. Thou shall be sure of thou self and thou product!
8. You seriously want to locate your doppelganger and in case they are living a life up to your ideal doppelganger standards, you are happy to volunteer to swap your life with them.
9. You know you can do, get, become whatever you want. In other words, you fear your own capabilities. If triggered appropriately enough, you know you can speak 5 new languages fluently in a week. Just that nothing has managed to trigger you that strongly yet.
10. You flaunt your flaws because they make you feel special. Your ability to let Iphone smoothly slip through your fingers, fall by tripping over nothing, walk into doors and walls, stab your teeth with your spoon has earned you titles like "Butterfingers", "Miss special effects" and "Kaali maata". Needless to say, you love these titles.
And voila! Time for you to do some soul searching and accept your hot messiness. Come on guys, don't leave me here feeling like I really am the only Special Edition of a specie.
Or am I?
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